Aspergers Tantrums, Rage, and Meltdowns

Aspergers Tantrums, Rage, and Meltdowns

Question

My eldest boy J___ who is now 5-years-old was diagnosed with Aspergers last July. We did 6 months of intense therapy with a child psychologist and a speech therapist before we moved over to Ghana. J___ has settled in well. He has adjusted to school very well and the teachers who are also expats from England are also dealing with him extremely well.

My current issue is his anger. At the moment if the situations are not done exactly his way he has a meltdown. Symptoms are: Extreme ear piercing screaming, intense crying, to falling down on the floor saying he is going to die. I have tried to tell him to breathe but his meltdown is so intense that his body just can't listen to words. I then have asked him to go to his room to calm down. He sometimes (very rarely) throws things across the room, but does not physically hurt anyone. As I have two younger boys (ages 1 and 3) I still need to be aware of their safety. I then managed to put J___ in his room with the help of a nanny. He throws all blankets off the bed (which doesn't bother me) and then hides under them. Today I waited 10 minutes then went upstairs to talk to him, but he then started again with the extreme crying and screaming at me. It took him over an hour to calm down fully. The situation arose as the nanny and I were helping him to make muffins and the nanny put a spoonful of the mixture into the muffin tin.

I am requesting your help on ways to calm him down in a manner that is acceptable. He is getting too old to be put in the "thinking corner/naughty corner" and I am a petite person so I'm not going to physically put him there. I am finding his resistance at the moment is a lot with me and his father.

I have structures in place by visual laminated pictures of how the morning is run and the structure before bed. This works fine, but like I said when things aren't done exactly his way, he can have an outburst in a flash. Please give me some strategies on how I can better manage these meltdowns.

FYI - he was diagnosed on the border on the CARS model. I have found a qualified speech therapist who is from England which we go to once a week (but as it is summer break we don't go back to August) to assist with his pragmatic language.


Answer

Problems related to stress and anxiety are common in kids with Aspergers. In fact, this combination has been shown to be one of the most frequently observed comorbid symptoms in these chidlren. They are often triggered by or result directly from environmental stressors, such as:

• a sense of loss of control
• an inherent emotional vulnerability
• difficulty in predicting outcomes
• having to face challenging social situations with inadequate social awareness
• misperception of social events
• rigidity in moral judgment that results from a concrete sense of social justice violations.
• social problem-solving skills
• social understanding

The stress experienced by kids with ASPERGERS may manifest as withdrawal, reliance on obsessions related to circumscribed interests or unhelpful rumination of thoughts, inattention, and hyperactivity, although it may also trigger aggressive or oppositional defiant behavior, often captured by therapists as tantrums, rage, and “meltdowns”.

Educators, therapists, and moms/dads often report that kids with ASPERGERS exhibit a sudden onset of aggressive or oppositional behavior. This escalating sequence is similar to what has been described in kids with ASPERGERS, and seems to follow a three-stage cycle as described below. Although non-ASPERGERS kids may recognize and react to the potential for behavioral outbursts early in the cycle, many kids and teenagers with ASPERGERS often endure the entire cycle, unaware that they are under stress (i.e., kids with ASPERGERS do not perceive themselves as having problems of conduct, aggression, hyperactivity, withdrawal, etc.).

Because of the combination of innate stress and anxiety and the difficulty of kids with ASPERGERS to understand how they feel, it is important that those who work and live with them understand the cycle of tantrums, rage, and meltdowns, and the interventions that can be used to promote self-calming, self-management, and self-awareness as a means of preventing or decreasing the severity of behavior problems.

The Cycle of Meltdowns

Meltdowns typically occur in three stages that can be of variable length. These stages are (1) the “acting-in” stage, (2) the “acting-out” stage, and (3) the recuperation stage.

The “Acting-In” Stage

The “acting-in” stage is the initial stage of a tantrum, rage, or meltdown. During this stage, kids and teenagers with ASPERGERS exhibit specific behavior changes that may not seem to be related directly to a meltdown. The behaviors may seem minor. That is, kids with ASPERGERS may clear their throats, lower their voices, tense their muscles, tap their foot, grimace, or otherwise indicate general discontent. Furthermore, somatic complaints also may occur during the “acting-in” stage. Kids also may engage in behaviors that are more obvious, including emotionally or physically withdrawing, or verbally or physically affecting someone else. For example, the youngster may challenge the classroom structure or authority by attempting to engage in a power struggle.

During this stage, it is imperative that a mother/father or educator intervene without becoming part of a struggle. The following interventions can be effective in stopping the cycle of tantrums, rage, and meltdowns – and they are invaluable in that they can help the youngster regain control with minimal adult support:

1. Intervention #1 involves displaying a chart or visual schedule of expectations and events, which can provide security to kids and teenagers with ASPERGERS who typically need predictability. This technique also can be used as advance preparation for a change in routine. Informing kids of schedule changes can prevent anxiety and reduce the likelihood of tantrums, rage, and meltdowns (e.g., the youngster who is signaling frustration by tapping his foot may be directed to his schedule to make him aware that after he completes two more problems he gets to work on a topic of special interest with a peer). While running errands, moms and dads can use support from routine by alerting the youngster in the “acting-in” stage that their next stop will be at a store the youngster enjoys.

2. Intervention #2 involves helping the youngster to focus on something other than the task or activity that seems to be upsetting. One type of redirection that often works well when the source of the behavior is a lack of understanding is telling the youngster that he can “cartoon” the situation to figure out what to do. Sometimes cartooning can be postponed briefly. At other times, the youngster may need to cartoon immediately.

3. Intervention #3 involves making the Aspergers child’s school environment as stress-free as possible by providing him/her with a “home-base.”. A home-base is a place in the school where the child can “escape.” The home-base should be quiet with few visual or activity distractions, and activities should be selected carefully to ensure that they are calming rather than alerting. In school, resource rooms or counselors' offices can serve as a home-base. The structure of the room supersedes its location. At home, the home-base may be the youngster's room or an isolated area in the house. Regardless of its location, however, it is essential that the home-base is viewed as a positive environment. Home-base is not “timeout” or an escape from classroom tasks or chores. The youngster takes class work to home-base, and at home, chores are completed after a brief respite in the home-base. Home-base may be used at times other than during the “acting-in” stage (e.g., at the beginning of the day, a home base can serve to preview the day's schedule, introduce changes in the typical routine, and ensure that the youngster's materials are organized or prime for specific subjects). At other times, home-base can be used to help the youngster gain control after a meltdown.

4. Intervention #4 involves paying attention to cues from the Aspergers child. When the youngster with ASPERGERS begins to exhibit a precursor behavior (e.g., throat clearing, pacing), the educator uses a nonverbal signal to let the youngster know that she is aware of the situation (e.g., the educator can place herself in a position where eye contact with the youngster can be achieved, or an agreed-upon “secret” signal, such as tapping on a desk, may be used to alert the youngster that he is under stress). A “signal” may be followed by a stress relief strategy (e.g., squeezing a stress ball). In the home or community, moms and dads may develop a signal (i.e., a slight hand movement) that the mother/father uses with their youngster is in the “acting-in” stage.

5. Intervention #5 involves removing a youngster, in a non-punitive fashion, from the environment in which he is experiencing difficulty. At school, the youngster may be sent on an errand. At home, the youngster may be asked to retrieve an object for a mother/father. During this time the youngster has an opportunity to regain a sense of calm. When he returns, the problem has typically diminished in magnitude and the grown-up is on hand for support, if needed.

6. Intervention #6 is a strategy where the educator moves near the youngster who is engaged in the target behavior. Moms/dads and teachers move near the Aspergers youngster. Often something as simple as standing next to the youngster is calming. This can easily be accomplished without interrupting an ongoing activity (e.g., the educator who circulates through the classroom during a lesson).

7. Intervention #7 is a technique in which the mother/father or educator merely walks with the youngster without talking. Silence on the part of the grown-up is important, because a youngster with ASPERGERS in the “acting-in” stage will likely react emotionally to any adult statement, misinterpreting it or rephrasing it beyond recognition. On this walk the youngster can say whatever he wishes without fear of discipline or reprimand. In the meantime, the grown-up should be calm, show as little reaction as possible, and never be confrontational.

8. Intervention #8 is a technique that is effective when the youngster is in the midst of the “acting-in” stage because of a difficult task, and the mother/father or educator thinks that the youngster can complete the activity with support. The mother/father or educator offers a brief acknowledgement that supports the verbalizations of the youngster and helps him complete his task. For instance, when working on a math problem the youngster begins to say, “This is too hard.” Knowing the youngster can complete the problem, the educator refocuses the youngster's attention by saying, “Yes, the problem is difficult. Let's start with number one.” This brief direction and support may prevent the youngster from moving past the “acting-in” stage.

When selecting an intervention during the “acting-in” stage, it is important to know the youngster, as the wrong technique can escalate rather than deescalate a behavior problem. Further, although interventions at this stage do not require extensive time, it is advisable that grown-ups understand the events that precipitate the target behaviors so that they can (1) be ready to intervene early, or (2) teach kids and teenagers strategies to maintain behavior control during these times. Interventions at this stage are merely calming. They do not teach kids to recognize their own frustration or provide a means of handling it. Techniques to accomplish these goals are discussed later.

The “Acting-Out” Stage 

If behavior is not diffused during the “acting-in” stage, the youngster or adolescent may move to the “acting-out” stage. At this point, the youngster is dis-inhibited and acts impulsively, emotionally, and sometimes explosively. These behaviors may be externalized (i.e., screaming, biting, hitting, kicking, destroying property, or self-injury) or internalized (i.e., withdrawal). Meltdowns are not purposeful, and once the “acting-out” stage begins, most often it must run its course.

During this stage, emphasis should be placed on youngster, peer, and adult safety, and protection of school, home, or personal property. The best way to cope with a tantrum, rage, or meltdown is to get the youngster to home base. As mentioned, this room is not viewed as a reward or disciplinary room, but is seen as a place where the youngster can regain self-control.

Of importance here is helping the individual with ASPERGERS regain control and preserve dignity. To that end, grown-ups should have developed plans for (1) obtaining assistance from educators, such as a crisis educator or principal, (2) removing other kids from the area, or (3) providing therapeutic restraint, if necessary. 

The Recuperation Stage

Following a meltdown, the youngster with ASPERGERS has contrite feelings and often cannot fully remember what occurred during the “acting-out” stage. Some may become sullen, withdraw, or deny that inappropriate behavior occurred; others are so physically exhausted that they need to sleep.

It is imperative that interventions are implemented at a time when the youngster can accept them and in a manner the youngster can understand and accept. Otherwise, the intervention may simply resume the cycle in a more accelerated pattern, leading more quickly to the “acting-out” stage. During the recuperation stage, kids often are not ready to learn. Thus, it is important that grown-ups work with them to help them once again become a part of the routine. This is often best accomplished by directing the youth to a highly motivating task that can be easily accomplished, such as activity related to a special interest.

Preventing Tantrums, Rage, and Meltdowns

Kids and teenagers with ASPERGERS generally do not want to engage in meltdowns. Rather, the “acting-out” cycle is the only way they know of expressing stress, coping with problems, and a host of other emotions to which they see no other solution. Most want to learn methods to manage their behavior, including calming themselves in the face of problems and increasing self-awareness of their emotions. The best intervention for tantrums, rage, and meltdowns is prevention. Prevention occurs best as a multifaceted approach consisting of instruction in (1) strategies that increase social understanding and problem solving, (2) techniques that facilitate self-understanding, and (3) methods of self-calming.

Increasing Social Understanding and Problem Solving

Enhancement of social understanding includes providing direct assistance. Although instructional strategies are beneficial, it is almost impossible to teach all the social skills that are needed in day-to-day life. Instead, these skills often are taught in an interpretive manner after the youngster has engaged in an unsuccessful or otherwise problematic encounter. Interpretation skills are used in recognition that, no matter how well developed the skills of a person with ASPERGERS, situations will arise that he or she does not understand. As a result, someone in the person's environment must serve as a social management interpreter.

The following interpretative strategies can help turn seemingly random actions into meaningful interactions for kids with ASPERGERS:

1. Analyzing a social skills problem is a good interpretative strategy. Following a social error, the youngster who committed the error works with an adult to (1) identify the error, (2) determine who was harmed by the error, (3) decide how to correct the error, and (4) develop a plan to prevent the error from occurring again. A social skills analysis is not “punishment.” Rather, it is a supportive and constructive problem-solving strategy. The analyzing process is particularly effective in enabling the youngster to see the cause/effect relationship between her social behavior and the reactions of others in her environment. The success of the strategy lies in its structure of practice, immediate feedback, and positive reinforcement. Every grown-up with whom the youngster with ASPERGERS has regular contact, such as moms and dads, educators, and therapists, should know how to do social skills analysis fostering skill acquisition and generalization. Originally designed to be verbally based, the strategy has been modified to include a visual format to enhance child learning.

2. Visual symbols such as “cartooning” have been found to enhance the processing abilities of persons in the autism spectrum, to enhance their understanding of the environment, and to reduce tantrums, rage, and meltdowns. One type of visual support is cartooning. Used as a generic term, this technique has been implemented by speech and language pathologists for many years to enhance understanding in their clients. Cartoon figures play an integral role in several intervention techniques: pragmaticism, mind-reading, and comic strip conversations. Cartooning techniques, such as comic strip conversations, allow the youngster to analyze and understand the range of messages and meanings that are a natural part of conversation and play. Many kids with Aspergers are confused and upset by teasing or sarcasm. The speech and thought bubble as well as choice of colors can illustrate the hidden messages.

Conclusion—

Although many kids and teenagers with ASPERGERS exhibit anxiety that may lead to challenging behaviors, stress and subsequent behaviors should be viewed as an integral part of the disorder. As such, it is important to understand the cycle of behaviors to prevent seemingly minor events from escalating. Although understanding the cycle of tantrums, rage, and meltdowns is important, behavior changes will not occur unless the function of the behavior is understood and the youngster is provided instruction and support in using (1) strategies that increase social understanding and problem solving, (2) techniques that facilitate self-understanding, and (3) methods of self-calming.

Kids with ASPERGERS experiencing stress may react by having a tantrum, rage, or meltdown. Behaviors do not occur in isolation or randomly; they are associated most often with a reason or cause. The youngster who engages in an inappropriate behavior is attempting to communicate. Before selecting an intervention to be used during the “acting-out” cycle or to prevent the cycle from occurring, it is important to understand the function or role the target behavior plays.

http://www.myaspergerschild.com/2010/06/aspergers-tantrums-rage-and-meltdowns.html

Asperger’s and High-Functioning Autism: Fact Sheet for Teachers

Asperger’s and High-Functioning Autism: Fact Sheet for Teachers

To all parents of children with Asperger’s (AS) and High Functioning Autism (HFA):

Below is a fact sheet that you can email (or hand-deliver a hard copy) to your child’s teacher(s). This fact sheet provides a short description of AS and HFA – and associated behaviors. Since all kids on the autism spectrum are different, parents should only use those items that directly apply to their youngster, making changes and additions as necessary. Copy and paste sections of the fact sheet – whatever you need to do to make it fit your child’s particular situation. It’s recommended that you only pick a few relevant items from the appropriate categories, rather than bombarding your child’s teacher(s) with the entire list.

Fact sheet for teachers with students on the autism spectrum:

Hello, I am _____'s parent. My youngster has been diagnosed with Asperger's (AS) – also called High Functioning Autism (HFA) – which is a neurobiological disorder on the autistic spectrum. Kids with AS and HFA often have difficulty using and understanding nonverbal cues and developing appropriate peer relationships. While they often have special interests and skills in certain areas, they also have difficulty with organization. AS and HFA kids often appear to lack empathy, havedifficulty with sensory issues, and strongly rely on routine.

My youngster has many strengths. However, listed below are some issues that may become apparent to you as you work with him/her. Many of the behaviors you will see are not under his/her control, and they are not a result of malice or willful misbehavior. At times, my youngster simply does not innately know how to respond appropriately. I’m sure you will learn other techniques that will be helpful, and I would appreciate your sharing those with me. Please call me at any time if you have questions. I can be reached at: __________

General Behaviors:

• AS/HFA is characterized by a sort of "Swiss cheese" type of development (i.e., some things are learned age-appropriately, while other things may lag behind or be absent). In addition, these kids may have skills years ahead of normal development (e.g., the youngster may understand complex mathematics principles, but not be able to remember to bring their homework home).
• At times, my youngster may experience “meltdowns.” At times like this, please allow a "safe and quiet location" where he/she will be allowed to "cool off." Try to take note of what occurred before the meltdown (e.g., an unexpected change in routine). Also, it's best to talk with him/her "after" the situation has calmed down. Notify me of any meltdowns.
• Please foster a classroom atmosphere that supports the acceptance of differences and diversity.
• Please remember that just because my youngster learns something in one situation, this doesn't automatically mean that he/she remembers or is able to generalize the learning to new situations.
• Please note my child’s strengths often and visually. This will give him/her the courage to keep moving forward.
• My youngster may have vocal outbursts. Be prepared for them, especially when he/she is having a difficult time. Also, please let the other kids know that this is his/her way of dealing with stress or fear.
• My youngster may need help with problem-solving situations. Please be willing to take the time to help with this.
• My youngster reacts well to positive and patient styles of teaching.
• When dividing-up assignments, please assign teams rather than have the other kids "choose” members, because this increases the chances that my youngster will be left out or teased.
• When it reaches a point that things in the classroom are going well, it means that we've gotten it right. It doesn't mean that my youngster is “cured” …never had a problem to begin with …or that it's time to remove support. Increase demands gradually.
• When you see anger or other outbursts, my youngster is not being deliberately difficult. Instead, this is a "fight or flight" response. Think of this as an "electrical circuit overload." Prevention can sometimes head-off these situations if you see the warning signs coming.

Perseverations:

• My youngster may repeat the same thing over and over again, and you may find this increases as stress increases. Please try to avoid answering the same thing over and over or raising your voice or pointing out that the question is being repeated. Instead, try to redirect my youngster's attention or find an alternative way so he/she can save face. Allowing my youngster to write down the question or thought, and providing a response in writing, may be very helpful at times.

Transitions:

• Giving one or two warnings before a change of activity or schedule may be helpful.
• My youngster may have a great deal of difficulty with transitions. Having a picture or word schedule may be useful.
• Please try to give as much advance notice as possible if there is going to be a change or disruption in the schedule.

Sensory Motor Skills/Auditory Processing:

• Breaking directions down into simple steps can be quite helpful.
• Directions are more easily understood if they are repeated clearly, simply, and in a variety of ways.
• My youngster has difficulty understanding a string of directions or too many words at one time.
• My youngster may act in a very clumsy way sometimes.
• He/she may react very strongly to certain tastes, textures, smells and sounds.
• Speaking slower and in smaller phrases can help.
• Using picture cures or directions may also help.

Stimuli:

• Please consider allowing my child to "move about" occasionally since sitting still for long periods of time can be very difficult for him/her. Even a 3-minute walk down the hallway and back (with a friend or aide) can help a lot.
• My child may get over-stimulated by loud noises, lights, strong tastes or textures, because of the heightened sensitivity to these things.
• Unstructured times (e.g., lunch, break, PE) may prove to be the most difficult for my child. Please try to help provide some guidance during these more difficult times.
• With lots of other children around, chaos and noise, it would be helpful if you would try to help my child find a quiet refuge to which he/she can go for a time-out.

Visual Cues:

• Hand signals may be useful, especially to reinforce certain messages (e.g., "wait your turn" … “stop talking out of turn” … "speak more slowly or softly").
• Most AS and HFA kids learn best with visual aids (e.g., picture schedules, written directions or drawings).

Interruptions:

• When someone tries to help by finishing my child’s sentences or interrupting, he/she often has to go back and start over to get the train of thought back.
• At times, it may take more than few seconds for my youngster to respond to questions. My youngster needs to stop what he's/she’s thinking, put that somewhere, formulate an answer, and then respond. Please wait patiently for the answer, and encourage others to do the same. Otherwise, he/she will have to start over again.

Eye Contact:

• Unlike most of us, forcing eye contact may break my child’s concentration.
• He/she may actually hear and understand you better if not forced to look directly at your eyes.
• At times, it looks as if my youngster is not listening to you when he/she really is. Don't assume that, because my youngster is not looking at you, that he/she is not hearing you.

Social Skills and Friendships:

• Children with AS and HFA are often at greater risk for becoming victims of bullying by peers. This is influenced by a couple of factors: (1) AS and HFA children want to be included and/or liked so badly that they are reluctant to "tell" on the bully, fearing rejection from the perpetrator or other children; (2) there is a great likelihood that the response that the bully gets from the AS or HFA youngster reinforces this kind of behavior.
• Young people with AS and HFA often want to make friends, but don’t have a clue as to how to go about it.
• Identifying 1 or 2 empathetic children who can serve as "helpers" will help my youngster feel as though the world is a friendlier place.
• Talking with the other students in the class about AS and HFA may help – if done in a positive way (e.g., talking about the fact that many of us have challenges, and that the AS/HFA youngster’s challenge is that he/she can’t read social situations very well, just as others may need glasses or hearing aids).

Routine:

• Please let my child know, if possible, when there will be a substitute teacher or a field trip occurring during regular school hours.
• Please let my youngster know of any anticipated changes as soon as you know about them, using picture or word schedules.

Language:

• Sarcasm and humor are often not understood by my youngster. Even explanations of what is meant may not clarify, because the perspectives of AS and HFA kids can be unique and, at times, immovable.
• Although my child’s vocabulary and use of language may seem high, he/she may not know the meaning of what he/she is saying, even though the words sound correct.

Organizational Skills:

• If necessary, please allow my child to copy the notes of other peers. Many AS and HFA kids have difficulty multi-tasking (e.g., listening to the teacher while reading the board and taking notes).
• It may be helpful to develop schedules (picture or written) for my child.
• My youngster lacks the ability of remember a lot of information – and how to retrieve that information for its use.
• Please post schedules and homework assignments on the board and make a copy for my child. 
• Please make sure that assignments get put into my child’s backpack, because he/she can't always be counted on to get everything home without some help.

Note: At times, some of my youngster's behaviors may irritate his/her peers – and you! Please know that this is normal and expected. Try not to let the difficult days color the fact that you are a wonderful teacher with a challenging situation. Nothing works all of the time, and some things may not work at all. Always feel free to share with me whatever you would like. I have heard it all before. It will not shock me or make me think less of you. Communication is the key, and by working together as a team, we can provide the best for my youngster.

Thank you very much,

_______________ (parent’s name)

P.S. For more information on teaching students with AS and HFA, please go to www.MyAspergersChild.com and get your copy of"Teaching Students with Aspergers and HFA". You can print as many copies as you like and share this valuable information with the other teachers, school counselors, etc.

MY CHILD HAS BEEN REJECTED BY HIS PEERS, RIDICULED AND BULLIED !!!

Social rejection has devastating effects in many areas of functioning. Because the Aspergers child tends to internalize how others treat him, rejection damages self-esteem and often causes anxiety and depression. As the child feels worse about himself and becomes more anxious and depressed – he performs worse, socially and intellectually. Thus, the best treatment for Aspergers children and teens is, without a doubt, “social skills training.”

http://www.myoutofcontrolteen.com/TeachingSocialSkills

HOW TO PREVENT MELTDOWNS IN ASPERGERS CHILDREN

Meltdowns are not a pretty sight. They are somewhat like overblown temper tantrums, but unlike tantrums, meltdowns can last anywhere from ten minutes to over an hour. When it starts, the Asperger's child is totally out-of-control. When it ends, both you and the Asperger’s child are totally exhausted. But...

Don’t breathe a sigh of relief yet. At the least provocation, for the remainder of that day -- and sometimes into the next - the meltdown can return in full force.

If your child suffers from Asperger’s Syndrome, expect him to experience both minor and major meltdowns over incidents that are part of daily life. He may have a major meltdown over a very small incident, or may experience a minor meltdown over something that is major. There is no way of telling how he is going to react about certain situations. However, there are many ways to help your child learn to control his emotions.

http://www.myoutofcontrolteen.com/aspergers-meltdowns2.html

ASPERGERS CHILDREN “BLOCK-OUT” THEIR EMOTIONS

Parenting children with Aspergers can be a daunting task. In layman’s terms, Aspergers is a developmental disability that affects the way children develop and understand the world around them, and is directly linked to their senses and sensory processing. This means they often use certain behaviors to block out their emotions or response to pain.

Although they may vary slightly from person to person, children with Aspergers tend to have similar symptoms, the main ones being:

=> A need to know when everything is happening in order not to feel completely overwhelmed
=> A rigid insistence on routine (where any change can cause an emotional and physiological meltdown)
=> Difficulties with social functioning, particularly in the rough and tumble of a school environment
=> Obsessive interests, with a focus on one subject to the exclusion of all others
=> Sensory issues, where they are oversensitive to bright light, loud sounds and unpleasant smells
=> Social isolation and struggles to make friends due to a lack of empathy, and an inability to pick up on or understand social graces and cues (such as stopping talking and allowing others to speak).

http://www.myoutofcontrolteen.com/AspergersHandbook

How to Calm an Aspergers Child: 50 Tips for Parents

How to Calm an Aspergers Child: 50 Tips for Parents

If you have an Aspergers youngster who has an “anger-control” problem, use these tips to (a) prevent anger outbursts and (b) help calm him down once he has launched into a rage or meltdown:

1. Allow the Aspergers youngster to use his energy in a fun way through jumping, spinning, running, climbing, swinging or other physical activities. Allow him to play-wrestle with pillows or other soft objects since agitated kids seek sensations inherent to the contact from tackling, bumping and crashing.

2. Allow the youngster to perform some heavy chores such as vacuuming, moving objects or cleaning windows and cabinet doors. This helps him focus on completing a necessary task while using his energy in a constructive way. Heavy chores or intense exercises allow kids to experience sensory input to different muscles and joints.

3. Give the youngster a creative outlet through playing with watercolor paints, drawing or coloring or molding with clay or play dough.

4. If another youngster is upsetting the Aspergers child, find out why, then confront the other youngster and ask him or her to apologize. If you have any authority over the troublemaker, then give him/her a minor punishment (not watching TV that day, whatever).

5. Ask the Aspergers youngster to take several deep breaths and count to ten. This breathing and counting technique will help him to react not with impulsivity and anger, but in a calm way.

6. Before you can calm down your kid’s anxiety, you must first learn to calm down your own first. Lead by example, because you can’t put out a fire with another fire.

7. Aspergers kids pick up negative thoughts very quickly and will react and respond to them. So parents need to keep a positive mindset.

8. If your youngster doesn’t have the verbal skills to assert himself in a non-violent way, then teach him. Children love “pretend play” and you can use that to teach them how to react to the things that tend to trigger their rage. Role-play a situation that would normally have your youngster going into meltdown and work out how he can resolve it without his fists and feet flying.

9. Check your own stress levels, because Aspergers kids are often emotional barometers for their parents.

10. The repeated act of chewing and sucking provides agitated kids the necessary oral sensory input that helps them relax. This is why some kids will chew the inside of their mouth when they feel agitated. Replace this destructive habit by giving agitated kids food that requires repeated chewing, such as celery, carrots, lettuce and other crunchy vegetables. Kids can also chew gum or taffy to help them settle down. You can also give the youngster a smoothie to drink using a straw.

11. Aspergers kids have difficulty remaining calm in a hectic environment. Clearing the clutter and taking a "less is more" approach to decorating can reduce the sensory overload on Aspergers kids. The Aspergers youngster's bedroom especially should be free of clutter. Use plastic bins to organize and store all those precious little plastic treasures (that we adults commonly refer to as "junk") and small toys. Open the curtains to provide natural lighting. Keep posters and wall hangings to a minimum. Paint the youngster's bedroom in calming muted colors instead of bright primary colors.

12. Have the Aspergers youngster wear a weighted belt. These therapeutic weight devices are designed to help agitated kids feel grounded by their core and thus more secure as they become aware of their body in relation to their surroundings. Weighted belts help with the youngster's balance and motor skills. The deep pressure stimulates the youngster's sense of positioning to help her refocus and reorganize herself when she is in an agitated state.

13. Allow the agitated youngster to sit in a beanbag chair. The feeling of being hugged helps to relax her when she is too agitated to receive the hug of a parent.

14. Allow the youngster to play in a warm bath or dig in a sandbox. Agitated kids experience a calming effect from the variety of textures.

15. If your child is angry about a privilege being taken away, not getting to have dessert, having to turn off the television, having to go to bed, or simply is having a very bad day, don't be harsh. Be gentle and caring. Try to reason with the youngster. Ask what he/she wants, if they had their way. Do they demand to stay up another half-hour (or whatever)? Make a bargain that they may stay up for ten minutes, but that you would read them a story at bedtime (or whatever). Go halfway and give them a deal. If they still are being a pain, or if you simply can't let them stay up, tell them that they have to go to bed, and give them the reasons why.

16. If you’re in the habit of smacking your youngster in the heat of the moment, you need to express your own frustration more constructively. Smacking in anger teaches kids to strike out when they’re angry. Seeing that you don’t exercise self-control when you’re angry makes them think they don’t have to either.

17. If at all possible, find a space in the house to designate as a relaxation space. It does not have to be a large space but it does need to be away from high activity areas. This little corner (or even a portion of a walk-in closet) can have a beanbag chair and a few books, coloring books or other quiet time activities. Encourage your youngster to go to this space when they become angry or out of control, but never make this a place of punishment. This special spot in the house is a positive place where they can go to settle down, sort things out or just hang out when they need to be alone.

18. If the youngster is upset or angry about something related to one of his/her toys or possessions, ask to see the toy and try to fix it. In the worst-case-scenario, the toy will be permanently broken, and you may want to “put it away so you can fix it properly later”- and wait to see if the youngster forgets about it. If not, you can either buy that youngster a new thing or get it repaired.

19. Aspergers kids thrive in homes that provide routines, consistency and structure. These kids especially need structure and schedules to feel secure in their surroundings. For them, a more "military" approach to routines works better. Waking up, eating meals, doing homework and bed times should all occur at about the same time every day, with few surprises to upset the Aspergers youngster.

20. Give your youngster an alternative to a tantrum. If he is able to identify that he is losing control, or if you notice it yourself, you can suggest another activity. You can often help a youngster calm down with a little distraction.

21. Give your youngster a mini-massage. Touch is very important to some kids. Massaging their temples, giving a shoulder rub or lightly running your fingers through their hair may calm him quickly.

22. Help him work out what he’s feeling. After your youngster has calmed down from a tantrum, gently talk him through it. Ask him what was bothering him and why: “Did you think I wasn’t listening to you?” Like adults, young kids have a variety of feelings. They need to be taught how to label and manage those feelings, especially anger. In order to do this, your youngster needs an emotion vocabulary – and you can provide that by asking questions such as, “Were you angry?” … “Did you feel sad?” … “Were you frightened?”

23. Help your youngster to identify the warning signs leading up to a tantrum. Older kids can even make a list of these warning signs and post them in a visible location. If he is aware of what these signs are, he can then practice the breathing and counting technique.

24. Hold the highest vision for these kids and try not to label them as difficult or nonconformist.

25. Keep them away from caffeinated drinks and anything with added preservatives, coloring and sugar.

26. Sometimes Aspergers kids need it spelled out so they can see how their behavior relates back to Mom and Dad pulling them up all the time. Your youngster reacts aggressively when you try to enforce rules and limits – so he gets told off. Explain to him in simple terms the connection between those two events: “Jack, being told off makes you cranky. But if you keep hitting and biting, I’m going to keep telling you off. If you stop doing it then I won’t tell you off.”

27. Make sure the youngster is not hurt. Is physical pain upsetting him? If so, and he is hurt, take care of his wound, or bump on the head, etc. If the youngster is still upset, there may be some anger towards the person or thing that caused the injury.

28. Make the effort to really listen to them at least once a day or when you teach them. Many Aspergers kids react negatively to authority, so making time for them on their own will help to build their confidence.

29. Aspergers kids learn to manage their anger by watching the way you manage your own. It’s a sobering thought, but anger habits are learned. The irony is that an aggressive youngster can often be a major trigger for parents to explode, but try not to let your own anger build up. Deal with it as soon as possible, using a calm voice to express how you feel rather than yelling. It’ll have way more impact. And just as you expect your youngster to apologize for bad behavior, get into the habit of apologizing to him if you lose your temper inappropriately. If your youngster’s aggressive behavior is disrupting your home and putting family members or others at risk, and he reacts explosively to even the mildest discipline techniques, see your doctor. She may be able to refer you to a child psychologist or counselor who can teach you new ways of interacting with your youngster that will help you manage his anger more effectively.

30. Many Aspergers kids do not know HOW to calm down or even what “calm” feels like. Explain it to them and discuss it frequently.

31. Do not tolerate aggressive behavior at all, in any way, shape or form. As with every other aspect of parenting, consistency is paramount. The only way to stop your youngster from being aggressive is to make a House Rule that aggression is not acceptable.

32. Offer your child verbal alternatives to his rage: “Maybe you could have said this. Why don’t you try that next time?” If trouble is brewing, remind him by saying, “Use your words, Tom” – and be sure to praise him when he does, perhaps via a Reward Chart with a happy face for every day he doesn’t hit or by saying something like, “I’m so happy you didn’t lose your temper when Alex was playing with your toys.”

33. Put together a "Boredom Box" that provides creative outlets for your Aspergers youngster. Fill this box or plastic storage bin with paint sets, coloring books, crossword puzzles, modeling clay, jewelry making kits and other artistic areas of interest. Some Aspergers kids bore easily and their fast spinning minds need extra stimulation. In the absence of nothing better to do, Aspergers kids will lean on their own devises, and you don't want them doing that. Better that they draw than set the cat on fire.

34. Reassure Aspergers kids that you like them, even though you recognize they are 'highly spirited'.

35. Teach your youngster what calm behavior looks like by showing him you can be calm, too.

36. Remove the youngster from the stressful situation. Lead him to a quiet room or a secluded spot on the playground.

37. Eliminate clutter in the youngster's environment to help structure and focus his energies to prevent repeated outbursts. Do not speak in an agitated or overexcited voice to an agitated youngster since this aggravates the problem. Keep your voice calm while instructing her in concise sentences on what she can do to calm down. Dim the lights so the agitated youngster receives less sensory input from surroundings that she may feel are harsh and which may further distract her.

38. Take your youngster for a walk or send him around the block on his own if he is old enough. Not only does walking burn off toxic energy, the repetitive thump, thump, thump of feet hitting pavement brings the mind back into focus.

39. Taking a mini-vacation with guided imagery. Guided imagery is a powerful relaxation tool for Aspergers kids that pulls their focus to positive thoughts, all the while encouraging creativity in your youngster. You can check out books on this technique at your local library if you want further information on the subject.

40. Deep breathing is an easy technique young kids can use to defuse anger. Show your youngster what to do by placing your hand on your chest and getting him to do the same while taking in two deep breaths. The hand on the chest serves a handy visual cue that you can use to remind your youngster to take a step back from what’s bothering him: just do it if you see him start to get frustrated.

41. Aspergers kids often pay little mind to the effect their behavior might have on everyone else. If your youngster hits, bites or kicks, get down to his level and calmly ask him how he would feel if someone did that to him. Prompt him to give it some thought by saying things like, “If your sister kicked you like that it would hurt you and make you cry.”

42. Give them lots of opportunities to be creative as it helps to release emotional energy.

43. Try aromatherapy!

44. Try fish oil. It has a calming effect.

45. For the youngster who is old enough to write, journaling is an excellent way to untangle frazzled minds and get things off their chest. This technique allows Aspergers kids to spill their internal stresses outside themselves and onto paper. Develop a daily habit of having your youngster write a page or two, depending on their age, about anything that comes to mind. They can write "I hate school, the dog just drooled, the baby's crying is driving me crazy..." - whatever comes to mind. Eventually, they will get to the guts of what is going on inside them. Then rumple or tear the paper up and throw it away. These private internal thoughts are not for you or anyone else to read, ever. Please respect their privacy and let them know they can write anything down without fear of reprimand.

46. Turn it around, and learn from Aspergers kids the gifts of honesty, perseverance, patience and problem-solving.

47. Kids who see aggressive or violent behavior played out on the TV screen or in computer games tend to be more aggressive when they play. If your youngster is consistently aggressive, limit his exposure to it in the media. If he does see it on TV, explain that hitting isn’t a nice way to act and doesn‘t solve problems. Reinforce the message by choosing storybooks and TV shows that promote kindness.

48. Use calming music.

49. Sometimes it is best to leave a youngster to work through a tantrum by removing yourself from the situation. However, you should always ensure that your youngster is in a safe environment and not able to hurt himself.

50. Some parents find that reducing or eliminating certain foods from the diet goes a long way in calming the Aspergers youngster. If your youngster is a finicky eater, you will need to supplement the diet to make sure your he has the fuels needed for his body to function well. Starting the day out with a healthy breakfast balanced with proteins, fats and carbohydrates is important. Sugar cereals are quick and convenient but should not be used as a breakfast mainstay. Fruit juices are high in calories and sugar and not recommended. Instead of juice or sodas, get in the habit of offering plain old H2O. With plenty of bottled waters that offer fruit flavors and vitamin enhancements, getting your kids hydrated is easier now than ever before.

BLOGGER: : MY Aspergers Child: Preventing Meltdowns and Tantrums 

Strengths and Talents Asperger's Syndrome